Jealousy is a terrible thing. I learned about it firsthand, recently. I entered a juried Show, which is nothing unusual in and of itself. I did get two quilts into the show, which is good, but I didn’t win. I didn’t even get an Honorable Mention. And I felt the vague stirrings of that awful, demeaning, horrible, feeling of jealousy for those that DID win.
When I get like this, my Mother quotes at me from Desiderata, where it says “If you compare yourself with others, you will become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” But, let’s face it, if you enter a show and get ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, you feel lesser than just about everybody. Don’t fool yourself - if you entered and didn’t win, you felt it, too. It’s even worse when someone in YOUR guild DOES win the Best of Show, and you don’t even place. Especially if she also wins another ribbon in the Show and $1,000 and a brand new sewing machine.
I have no desire whatsoever to make the kind of quilt that won that particular Best of Show. I’m constitutionally incapable of making one, and I know it. I’m terribly proud that we have in our Guild a person who can win an international quilt contest; I just wish it had been me. I don’t wish it had been me because I think I deserve it, or because I wish I had her skill or dedication, or even because I need the free sewing machine and prize money. I want to win because, if you had listened to those people who surrounded her quilt at the Show, she is a GODDESS in their eyes. Not just your ordinary, everyday, goddess, either, but one who KNOWS about QUILTS, and probably walks on water, too.
Besides, if I do win a major contest someday, somewhere, somehow, it will validate all the money I’ve spent, all the time I’ve snatched from who knows where, all the and cobwebs and unpaid bills I’ve ignored, all the dinners brought home from pizza places and fast food joints, all the scraps I’ve tracked across the floor, all the -- but you know, you’ve done it, too, and your house probably looks a lot like mine.
I know, it’s not a pretty picture, and most of us try to deny those feelings and feel happy for the person who won; but it takes time. Maybe it will also take a couple of hot fudge sundaes and a discussion with a good friend to help you remember that you’re really a winner, already, so why worry about a ribbon?
Think about it - you got your act together and actually got the quilt into the show; made it with all the skill and talent you possess and actually finished it; and even though it didn’t win - you get the best prize of all, a quilt in just the colors you love, made to your own exact specifications. The Show will only last for a weekend, and you really didn’t make that quilt for the Show, did you? You made it for you, or for someone you love. You made it to fulfill some need you have to create, to try new things, to get out of the world of household clutter and into a place where all that matters is fabric and color and value and texture, and creating beautiful things. Besides, if you hadn’t made it, the world would be the less, and you would be the less. So if you make a quilt and it wins a prize, that’s great; but you didn’t make it for the contest in the first place, you made it for YOU, or for someone else in your life, and the contest was secondary; an afterthought, the icing on the cake.
It’s hard to keep that in mind, though, when you’re at the Show and Goddess is walking by and accepting her congratulations. Give yourself a break and realize that we all, occasionally, feel that little green imp of jealousy raise its ugly head, and we’re all coping the best we can. Do try to avoid grinding your teeth when you congratulate her, though; it’s bad for your teeth.
When I get like this, my Mother quotes at me from Desiderata, where it says “If you compare yourself with others, you will become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” But, let’s face it, if you enter a show and get ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, you feel lesser than just about everybody. Don’t fool yourself - if you entered and didn’t win, you felt it, too. It’s even worse when someone in YOUR guild DOES win the Best of Show, and you don’t even place. Especially if she also wins another ribbon in the Show and $1,000 and a brand new sewing machine.
I have no desire whatsoever to make the kind of quilt that won that particular Best of Show. I’m constitutionally incapable of making one, and I know it. I’m terribly proud that we have in our Guild a person who can win an international quilt contest; I just wish it had been me. I don’t wish it had been me because I think I deserve it, or because I wish I had her skill or dedication, or even because I need the free sewing machine and prize money. I want to win because, if you had listened to those people who surrounded her quilt at the Show, she is a GODDESS in their eyes. Not just your ordinary, everyday, goddess, either, but one who KNOWS about QUILTS, and probably walks on water, too.
Besides, if I do win a major contest someday, somewhere, somehow, it will validate all the money I’ve spent, all the time I’ve snatched from who knows where, all the and cobwebs and unpaid bills I’ve ignored, all the dinners brought home from pizza places and fast food joints, all the scraps I’ve tracked across the floor, all the -- but you know, you’ve done it, too, and your house probably looks a lot like mine.
I know, it’s not a pretty picture, and most of us try to deny those feelings and feel happy for the person who won; but it takes time. Maybe it will also take a couple of hot fudge sundaes and a discussion with a good friend to help you remember that you’re really a winner, already, so why worry about a ribbon?
Think about it - you got your act together and actually got the quilt into the show; made it with all the skill and talent you possess and actually finished it; and even though it didn’t win - you get the best prize of all, a quilt in just the colors you love, made to your own exact specifications. The Show will only last for a weekend, and you really didn’t make that quilt for the Show, did you? You made it for you, or for someone you love. You made it to fulfill some need you have to create, to try new things, to get out of the world of household clutter and into a place where all that matters is fabric and color and value and texture, and creating beautiful things. Besides, if you hadn’t made it, the world would be the less, and you would be the less. So if you make a quilt and it wins a prize, that’s great; but you didn’t make it for the contest in the first place, you made it for YOU, or for someone else in your life, and the contest was secondary; an afterthought, the icing on the cake.
It’s hard to keep that in mind, though, when you’re at the Show and Goddess is walking by and accepting her congratulations. Give yourself a break and realize that we all, occasionally, feel that little green imp of jealousy raise its ugly head, and we’re all coping the best we can. Do try to avoid grinding your teeth when you congratulate her, though; it’s bad for your teeth.